Laser Blade: Games Division

Bioshock: My dream, my nightmare

2007-09-12T06:07:00.000-07:00

I recently decided to cross the line over to ultimate nerdom and go for 1000 achievement points. My game: Bioshock.

What originally was to be a great way for me to get all $59.99 out of a great game has quickly sent me to a dark place I haven’t been since I totally made out with that fat British chick. A place between enjoyment, embarrassment and regret. But I can get over the fact that everyone who checks out my gamer profile will see that I must have put in the equivalent of 3 weeks of straight gaming into this quest. Or that whenever a friend goes online they ALWAYS see that I am playing. I mean, it IS one of the greatest games but honestly, I’ve got chores to do. No, I can get over that. What really is messing with me is what I am now calling “Bioshock Anxiety Disorder.”

Beside the fact that I have been having vivid and terrifying dreams of Big Daddy pulling Lil' Sisters out of sand pits (yeah, I don’t get it either) or that when I am walking around I find myself wondering if there are any pep bars, bullets or health power-ups inside that trash bin or desk, what I am really worried about is finishing the game again and accidently missing one achievement. What if I didn’t read the gamefaq guide right? What then? Play it over for the 3rd time and waste another 50 hours of my life? It’s gotten to the point where I have 3 different walkthroughs open at ONCE! I’m calling Brendan asking him the technical differences between Tonics and Plasmids. I am posting on forums the implications of saving or harvesting young children. It’s just not right. So maybe when it’s all said and done, when the nightmares are finally gone, I can put this sad chapter of my life behind me.

"From my Dream Diary"

*For those of you who object to me using a guide, I beat it without one first.... you jerk.

Joy! Happiness! Bliss! Rez!

2007-09-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I learned something so exciting I nearly passed out--Rez is coming to the Xbox Live Arcade. It's not just Rez--that would be good enough--but it's Rez with achievements! *swoon!*

Yes. I'm an achievement point whore. I admit this about myself.

In all seriousness, not enough people got to play Rez when it came out on the PS2 so many years ago. The Dreamcast import version was, for some reason I could never quite put my finger on, more difficult than the PS2 version, so I'm guessing that's not what they'll be porting to XBLA. The thought of downloadable content for Rez is also terribly exciting, though that's just wishful thinking at this point.

Oh, and yes, I've played Rez with the Trance Vibrator. I put the Vibrator on the couch, and it was strong enough to shake the whole thing. Very odd experience, really. The cat wasn't a fan, that's for sure.

Guy proposes via pinata

2007-09-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

In case you've never played Viva Pinata, here are two key facts you need to know: you can send packages with a message to folks on your Friends List, and you can find various gems in the game, including diamonds.

A fella going by the gamertag of Procrasturbate (let's all groan together, shall we?) decided to propose, next-gen style by sending his lady a diamond via Pinata. She accepted, and he forked over an actual diamond to go with the virtual one.

That should seriously be some sort of achievement. "Popped the question, 50 points."

The Xbox forum, thanks for your help.

2007-09-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

It finally happened. I wrote in a previous blog about the anxiety of replaying “Bioshock” and getting all but one achievement. Well, the sum of all my fears came true when, according to the online guide, I supposedly collected the last item for the achievement.

That nice warm feeling you get when the little Xbox icon pops up at the bottom of the screen, the pleasant little “bloop” noise that accompanies an increase in your gamer score … sadly never came. Damn you Bioshock nerd guide writer! If you spent half the time on the guide as you did trying to make your title name look cool using punctuation then I would have 1000 achievement points right now. EFF You! Or should I say.

But it did give me a good excuse to use Xbox Forums which I highly recommend. Quality responses and a much nicer tone than normal threads. Since the internet gives you the right of anonymity it also apparently gives you the right to be a real dick. (Youtube, I’m looking at you. I started feeling bad for Chocolate Rain singer.) This was a nice dialogue between gamers. Def. try it out next time you’re stuck.

Here is my Bioshock Xbox Forum.

Apparently, I'm still screwed.

Paul Zander Denies Interview

2007-09-22T20:40:00.001-07:00

I attempted to get an exclusive interview with Paul Zander about his controversial Gamefly comments posted last week to Laser Blade: Games Division. Displaying his renowned "f*** you" hand gesture and trademark tough-guy sensibilites, Paul declined.

Simpsons Game Demo is Tight

2007-10-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

I downloaded both the Conan and Simpsons game demos last night. Matt said he was going to write up the Conan one, as he is a lover of all things Conan. So I shall write about the Simpsons one.

I thought it was pretty fantastic, actually. And this is despite two frustrating flaws: the camera, and my own inability to beat Lard Lad. The camera is unfortunate and unresponsive, but I didn’t find it to detract much from the action. Also, I couldn’t figure out how to get up to the second exposed circuit board of Lard Lad so that I could punch it. I tried for about ten minutes, felt stupid, and then tried the Conan demo.

I noticed that this game is beautiful. It looks SO COOL. I love how it mixes the cartoony Simpsons graphics with particle physics and lighting effects. Top-notch artistry, here. I expect that the levels will each be pretty different, and from what I have heard they will be, requiring you to jump into various videogame parodies. I saw lots of different looking levels in the teaser movie after you end the demo.

The game is funny as well. I remember thinking back when the Simpsons Hit and Run game came out that it had jokes much funnier than ones on the show. This one does as well. I loled when I destroyed Lard Lad’s first circuit board and received an award from the Comic Book Guy for unlocking (or some such mechanic) video game cliché #1: attack the obvious weak point. Kent Brockman’s commentary throughout the level was non-repetitive and chuckle-worthy.

Looking forward to this, I hope it turns out to be a great game.

When video games attack... your mind!

2007-10-23T05:07:00.000-07:00

I was reading this funny comic… oh well, here, read it first.

Well, not really sure why but it reminded me of my strangest experience in gaming.

I had just bought “Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty” which was the first MGS game to come out for the PS2. I had never played any game in the series before and it was to be my first introduction to the real wack-job that is the main character Solid Snake. Actually, I did watch my friend Patrick during Middle School beat the original PS1 game but it was at 3 a.m. while we were high off our asses on Twizzlers, Pop Rocks and giggles.

Those of you who played it know that at one point in the game (way after you have lost track of the complicated, homoerotic, weird storyline) you’re all of a sudden captured and put in a weird surveillance room. Oh, did I mention your stripped BUTT-ASS naked! You can’t fight because your hands are too busy covering your nuts. Oddly enough you can still do a nakey ninja flip but I don't think words can really describe it.

So, I was already a little uncomfortable with male videogame nudity when I suddenly was contacted (via internal earpiece implants no less) by my good old trusty Colonel. My buddy. Finally, some explanation! Normally, he tells you about your mission, what to do next and honestly, I kind of considered him a friend. Wrong! All of a sudden he starts talking all this weird shit like “hey man, haven’t you been playing this game long enough.” And “I saw your girlfriend and she was with this other dude.” By now I am yelling out to my roommates to come because I am getting scared. My fear compounded when I realized I was home alone and not in a cool Mccully Culkin way.

After sneaking around this complex naked trying to avoid these flying soldiers (of which, of course, you have never seen before and they are armed with weird guns and alien facemasks) you get into this little corridor where there is no exit. You can only go back and forth through this little tunnel with no way out. WTF!!!

What happened next is up for debate but I swear it happened. A little pop-up screen appeared in the top right hand corner of this Asian woman sunbathing. A real video. Not CG, not cartoon but an actual “I shot this on my home camcorder” type of video.

At this point I made the wise decision that somehow I had gotten baked withouth realizing it and I that was too mentaly frail to continue. I casually got up, put the controller down, shut off the video game and escaped my house. After 20 minutes waiting outside for my roommate’s car to pull up he asked me what I was doing on the stoop. I told him blankly that I was scared.

The next day at the bookstore I told my friend Randy, who had played the game before, and he explained that I had fallen for the MGS “Psyche out.” He told me of when Psycho Mantis(?) had psyched him out of his house in a previous installment of the game.

Bottom line is we need more games like this. They need to breach the normal gaming walls and make us feel weird. Please share any of your weird gaming moments.

FOUND IT!!!

Addictions Anyone?

2007-10-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

This Xbox 360 is quickly becoming a bane to my existence. No, not really, I hyperoblize. But still, it's bringing out the worst of addictive traits in my personality. I've already spoken about my broad gaming guilt: that of falling prey to "farming." Now there's another gaming guilt the Xbox 360 has awakened in me: The Achievement Whore.

These past couple of days I have not really played any games for enjoyment, but have played solely for the chance to unlock any number of achievements. This in itself is not so bad, I'm sure many players have done this, and is actually sometimes the only way to unlock achievements that do not correspond to normal game play. No, this is about my shame. It's a shame I've held off on so far, but honestly, I don't know how much longer I can keep the beast at bay.

I've discovered a rather informative Xbox 360 wiki page and have been perusing its articles as a method of identifying what games might be suitable for purchase in the future. Of course, each of these game articles also include a detailed list of the achievements available. Most of the older games, I'll use Oblivion as just one example, seem to have designed their achievements simply around reaching story points in the game. Theoretically, if one finishes the game, they should unlock nearly all 1000 pts of achievements.

What?

"Wow. That'd be a really easy way of beefing up my neophyte gamer score! No, why would I buy games simply for easy achievements? Why do I care what other people think of an arbitray score? It does not mean anything. Or does it?"

I thought about buying a few games just for the easy achievements. that's sick. I should also add that I already own Oblivion on the PC. For now I've kept my achievement addiciton at bay, held in check by the games I already own; but at night, in the stillness of twilight, I can hear it gnawing in my brain, throwing itself against the formidble mental barriers I've constructed; It is only a matter of time. For now though, I'm keeping it real. Pray for me.

I've also realized my list few posts have been of the complaining variety. That will not do. Next time: 3rd in my ongoing series of hearting video games! Be there!

I promise I'll throw in a funny video too. Just for you. <3 Bonus Pic: The victory screen from Jackal. Hardcore!!!!!!

LB:GD at VGXPO

2007-11-05T15:00:00.001-08:00

From left: Paul Zander, Brendan Huffman, Matt Olcese, Susan Arendt

We hit up the VGXPO at the PA Convention Center in Philly this past Saturday. I had a blast. It was my first gaming convention since the Nintendo World thing where they had the championship back in like, 1990. The place was kind of strangely arranged, but good nonetheless.

There weren't any major console games showing aside from Rock Band, which we played about 4 times. Maybe if we are super-lucky Susan will post a video clip. Most of the other new stuff was for the PC, and it was being shown by makers of PC components, not game developers. I got to play Unreal Tournament III, which I think was my favorite. I got to try Crysis, mostly unplayable.

Zander and I participated in a one-round Team Fortress 2 tourney (on PC) which was poorly organized and confusing. But again, fun.

Hopefully the LB:GD board will approve more trips to gaming events, and we will go, faithful readers, and report with a wit and clarity unparalleled on the web.

Check out Susan's post over at Wired about the Jack Thompson video game violence debate and this post about the show in general. Well reported.

Oh, Balls!

2007-11-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah, the headline is a juvenile and obvious joke to make. Sue me.

The concept behind Factory Balls is simple: drag the ball over the proper tools in the proper order to create the desired result. Oh, but there's a catch! You only have so many balls, and if you screw up, you have to toss your mistake in the recycle bin, grab a new ball and start over.

This is one of those titles that illustrates the truism that a game need be neither long nor complex in order to be marvelously entertaining. And graphics? Pffft. You could practically do this in MS Paint, people. If you need a quick, smart, fun break from work (and I know what you people do for a living, so I'm thinking you do), check it out.

OMG that's Nathan Drake: He's so hot right now!

2008-02-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

It’s been love hate relationship between most people and their PS3s this year. Only a few exclusive games, difficulty in game design, unimpressive DLC. Let’s face it. The best part about having a PS3 is telling your friends you have a huge ugly Blue-Ray player. Not that I own any Blue-Ray DVDs. So after such disappointments, was I suppose to start wetting my pants when people started lauding Drakes Fortune as one of PS3’s saving graces? Yeah just like Liar, right?

Well, shit on Mount Rushmore and call me Jefferson because this game does kicks ass. It has been one of the most fun times I’ve had playing games all year. I laughed, I almost cried, I was close to becoming seriously emotionally attached to the characters.

The story revolves around Nathan Drake. A dashingly handsome relative of the famous pirate and nobleman, Sir Francis Drake. In this Indiana Jonesesque story, you are in search of the famous El Dorado. It sounds cheesy especially when you add in the pretty reporter, Elena, and Sullie, your sneaky friend and mentor. But the incredible voice acting and real-motion capturing make for hours of great game play. And I do mean only a few hours. The game is pretty short but that could have been because I took only a few breaks to replenish the saline solution in my dry eyes from staring at the TV too long.

I do like that Nathan is not exactly your studly manly man that you normally see in games. The dialogue between the three characters is spot on and usually really funny. I did feel like they did a good job of developing the characters throughout the game and it’s probably one of the first games that actually plays like a movie with an interesting and funny storyline. It’s not perfect. The fighting can get a bit repetitive and the jumping takes a bit to get use but I love the way the duck and cover shooting and melee attacks work seamlessly together.

It's hard to talk about this game and not mention that it is visually stunning. The water looks very real and the lush backdrops really show off the PS3's power.

Hopefully this will fill the void that Tomb Raider’s sinking franchise left. I would also suggest that you watch the bonus motion capture scenes also. It was funny to see that the guy who plays Nathan is an older slightly chubby dude. He looked more the like real Drake.

I just took a Mass Effect in my pants

2008-02-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

I had never played the highly touted Knights of the Old Republic but I had heard good things about it and it's developer Bioware. I usually don't really care too much about who makes a game but when I saw G4 had given it the best game ever title (really?? Best game ever??) I thought I would try their new RPG style game Mass Effect.

As most role-playing games you start off customizing your avatar. I always try to make it look like me but elephantitis isn't an option. My character "Commander Shepard" unfortunately came out looking a little like a mix between Joaquin Phoenix and Vladimir Putin.

The scar on my guy did make me look like a badass though. Afterwards you are forced to choose a class. Soldier, techie or biotics (those are people with magiks like abilities. Think Gandalf or Diana Troy). A few autobiographical questions about what kind of person you are and then you 're off to kick it hardcore in the galaxy!

Now it get's good. The story is vast, interesting and has a surprising amount of depth to it. There are tons of dialogue trees but the voice-over really makes it feel like a conversation. I spent hours just talking to people learning about the universe. Actually come to think of it, I probably spent more time than I would like to admit learning about a fake universe but whatever that's why I'm a hardcore gamer. But what's really cool is that the the dialogue is important in deciding what kind of character you are. A good guy, paragon, or a ruthless leader, renegade. This is probably my favorite part of the game. You actually have many tough choices to make giving you the feeling that you really are creating a unique game experience. It's like a choose your own adventure game. Weeeeee!!

The truth is I'm kind of a softy at heart and did everything ethically. That's just me though. Fellow blogger Brendan, as usual, killed, cheated and screwed his way through the entire storyline. (he also harvested all the those babies in Bioshock…..freakin psychopath) I reveled in doing the right thing but I was pissed when I didn't get bang the human chick because she thought I was too much of a pussy.

The good guys never get the girl. But they do get tons of alien poon! SPOILER ALERT! Okay alerts over.

Awesome game overall. A few glitches and it can get a little repetitive but it has enough great elements to keep you going. The end of the game doesn't dissapoint.

Also, very exciting downloadable content is coming in a month or so. New chapters and adventures. The game that keeps on giving.... for a price of course.

Oh Indie games.... I can't stay mad at you!

2008-02-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

Indie games, I love you.

I recently revisited the Indie game “flOw” built by Jenova Chen. It’s a simple free flash game that involves ummm… swimming, I think, and uh, eating things. And then you switching levels. And then you evolve or devolve or ….. WHATEVER it’s cool. And addictive. Games these days come with thick instruction booklets and many game styles, so it’s refreshing when you play something that is just as fun but has no instructions and needs only one button.

I do kind of resent that this free game is now for sale for $7.99 on the PS3 store. That’s unless the majority of the profits are going to the original inventor. Similar to “N+” ninja game that is now for sale on the Xbox live for a handful of points.

Well, if you feel like trying these games out on the web, flash style, click the links.

But my personal “WTF, no instruction” favorites are the Hapland Trilogy. Let me know what ya think.

http://foon.co.uk/farcade/hapland/

http://foon.co.uk/farcade/hapland2

http://foon.co.uk/farcade/hapland3

Rock out with your Turok out!

2008-03-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

I vaguely remember the first Turok game for the N64 other than "killing things with a bow and arrow is cool." Killing Dinosours with a bow and arrow is doubly cool albeit probably not very efficient. I was looking forward to trying the next generation Turok. Dinosaur in HD!!!

First I would like say that I really like the name Turok. I like yelling it. TUROOOOOK!!!!! It feels good. Try it! Makes ya feel tough. I can’t really explain it but I thought I would just interject that.

The game unfortunately is not as fun as screaming Turok. Your character is Joseph TUROK!!! A Native American warrior on your way to way to hunt down your old mentor and now terrorist outlaw. Yeah, this is not exactly the most original story-line but whatever it’s the future and that means cool weapons, right? Oh wait, so the bow and arrow is still the best weapon in the future. O- kaaaaay. And what’s with the basic machine guns? Come on people!! Don’t start me off on a space cruiser jumping out of light speed and then give me a couple shity Uzis. I will say that some of the knife kills are cool but the game never decided if it wants to be a stealth game or not leading to a bit of frustration. And no duck and cover? Also, the save points come too few and far between. I had to replay the same long sequence a bunch of times before I randomly got to the next save point.

I did have fun shooting dinosaurs and they do hide in the tall grass and jump out which gives it a cool feel of realism. That is to say that the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park are realistic. I guess we don’t know how they really were. They could have been cute cuddly lil bastards for all we know. Then I guess they could have named the game the Dinosaur Whisperer. Again, I digress.

The voice acting overall is pretty good and I saw that they employed some actual actors which is nice, like Ron Pearlman of Hellboy and Donnie Walberg of… um….. New Kids on the Block.

But when one of my objectives is to “Go find Radio” I cringe a bit. How many times have I had to fix a radio in video games. Again, it’s the fricken future! No high powered cell phones? Nanotechnology? Earpieces??!!!

Overall, the game isn’t bad but it doesn’t really take any risks or offer us anything new. Maybe its more like "Jazzersize with my Turok out."

TUUUUROOOOOK!!!!!!!

I drew this

2008-03-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

I got so excited at work today thinking about Smash Bros. Brawl that I flipped! I had to draw some of the characters to show you how cool the game and I are.

Paul Zander Strikes Back!!!

2008-04-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

It is not often that my nerdlinessness is called into question. It has taken me a few days to digest the ludicrisnesity of Matt's last statement. While yes, I have enjoy many lewd encounters with hot chicks (not nerdy) and No, I don’t have a deceptcons tattoo anywhere on my body (very nerdy), you must look past my gamertag to see the inner workings of a truly grand nerd.

Exhibit A – My current reading. A Game of Thrones

The book synopsis starts off like - "Prince Rhaegar Targaryen kidnapped Lyanna Stark, arousing the ire of her family and of her betrothed, Lord Robert Baratheon (the war's titular rebel). The Mad King, Aerys II Targaryen, had Lyanna's father and eldest brother executed when they demanded her safe return."

Exhibit B - I play Warhammer

Meet my Warhammer character Taulos D'Brionne, a charismatic Knight of Bretonnia! Taulos, a squire, is on a journey to find himself in hopes of channeling the Lady of Lake. I am ruled by spiritual and mystical leaders, the Fay Enchantress, her Damsels, and the Grail Knights.

And YES we do actually role play. Here is an excerpt from our Game Master after our first sesh.

"I hope everyone is having a pleasant holiday thus far. I just wanted to send a brief email that summarized Tuesday night's adventure.
The group started out together in the town of Untergard. Untergard had just begun to recover from the Storm of Chaos when our heroes arrived. The adventure began when Captain Schiller, head of the town watch, arrived with fresh supplies to the beleaguered people of Untergard. Suddenly, a shot rang out from the eastern side of the town. As the inhabitants of Untergard broke into a panic, the young squire Taulos D'Brionne(P Zander), noticed a number of mutants rushing across the bridge towards our heroes. The heroes rushed to meet the mutants charge. With Mors(Jesse) and Boris(Larry) leading the charge, the two hirsute warriors quickly dispatched two of the mutants. Mors was particularly vicious with a killing blow with his warhammer that completely pulverised one mutant's head. Taulous slew another mutant with some fancy sword-work. The elven wizard Mal Ra(Brendan) got into the fray by successfully casting a sleep spell on the last mutant. The sleepy mutant then awoke, albeit briefly, to a killing blow from Grundy's(Nat) warhammer. Now that's what I call teamwork!"

Exhibit C - I have a Video Game Blog. Check it out at http://laserbladegames.blogspot.com/

Take in the evidence and you will see my case stands up to Matt's attacks. He's obviously obsessed with me or something. Also, the only reason that I am playing those games is because I finished Mass Effect in a week and yeah, I finished the side missions! I also banged the nerdy blue ALIEN!!! So there DoctorDumb99. Yeah!!!

What no Swirlies? Whatever...

2008-04-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

I haven’t come across any stand out games in a while so it was a nice surprise when I found out that the 360 was reissuing Bully: Scholarship Edition for the next gen. I had played it a bit on the PS2 and had really liked it as a toned down GTA type game.

I know there was some controversy how it might promote school bullying and be a bad influence on school age children The game skirted the controversy a bit by having the main character stand up to all types of bullies aswell as act like one. And besides, only losers get bullied. O’Doyle Rules!!!

I’ll tell you know I love this game. Coming from an elite private school myself where I was nurtured and allowed to excel in all areas of academia, I have had a clear advantage over regular public school lower people and dweebs in general. This game is fun because it takes that experience and twists it into a very funny and well-designed game. The main character, Jimmy Hopkins, is nothing special but the game involves so many hilarious classic stereotypes; jocks, preppies, nerds, teachers.

The storyline is great and the game play is really varied allowing for a more satisfying gaming experience. There is nothing really new and inventive about the game-play itself but the setting and storyline are very unique. The standard missions, which revolve around mini mission and school classes, can involve anything from first person shooter to button response to word puzzles. They even have an dissection part that pulls from the Wii’s Trauma Center.

I also really like how Rockstar pushes the envelope with the Over the Rainbow achievement point. You get 20 A.P. for Getting Kissed by 20 Boys. Stick it to the homophobes! . I know my friends over at http://gaygamer.net were pretty psyched. But make sure you pass at least one “Art Class” before you try to do any boy-on-boy kissing. It takes an artistic touch.

So go off and enjoy. Just don’t bully anyone in the process. But it you have to, just make sure you say afterwards “ I’m just messing with you. Can’t you take a joke?” You’re pretty much untouchable after that.

What have we been doing? GTV IV that's what!

2008-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

So, it's been eerily quiet here on the games division and I can only take some of the blame. Brendan's getting married, Susan and I have been smoking GTA IV like it's crack (sorry Dad... too soon?), and I don't think that Matt has an excuse. Mass Effect? That was sooo 4 months ago.

Early thoughts on GTA IV - Everyone and their mother will tell you how awesome GTA IV is and I agree but I did want to mention a few things that I dislike so far. No spoilers here. And please don't hate me.

1) Walking - the walking movement is a little weird. With such a great game why is turning around so hard? I keep turning into the railways and doors. Oh, and how hard is it to go up a ladder? Turns out it's pretty hard.

2) Driving. It's really hard. It took me a while to beat the first race which made me very angry!

3) The map. I use it often but I have to go through a few steps to get to it. In Bully, created by Rockstar, your map can be easily brought up by pressing the select button. Also, zooming in on the map is annoyingly slow. Anyone else?

4) Failing a mission - I do like when you fail you can go to again quickly but why do so many mission start out with you driving 5 minutes to get to the main story. When you fail you have to re-drive and re-drive. Small complaint.

Now, I know I am complaining about a great game but I thought I would just bring it up. Happy gaming and let's go with the posts!

Choppy-Chop

2008-06-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

I usually don't buy new games. I'm patient, I can wait 3 or 4 months and by that time 60-dollar games magically become 40-dollar games. I'm cheap like that. Cheap like a whore. a Man-whore.

Dr. Strange-whore.

But I digress. The last time I bought a new game was Might and Magic: Dark Elements. Bought it for my birthday. 60 bucks. I haven't played it yet. It retails for 30 bucks now. Fiddlesticks!

If nothing else, I'm a sucker and I bought Ninja Gaiden II last Thursday. What can I say, I bought into the hype. I've not played the original Xbox Ninja Gaiden, but was (am) a devoted fan to the original series of nigh-impossible games. 60 bucks later I'm sitting in my house with a brand new game.

It's a brawler. Sure it looks pretty, and my ninja wields a sword instead of relying on his fists, but the core gameplay is brawler, i.e., Streets of Rage, Final Fight. But, seriously, it's a game, and this is exactly what I wanted form it: Old-school brawler action! The gameplay reminds me a lot of last year's Conan game too, and that's nothing but good.

Ryu, the player character, just may be the worst ninja on the face of the planet, but at least he's fun to control. The control scheme is similar to the first Prince of Persia not in layout but in fluidity. It's really easy to pull of "complicated moves". By this I mean a few button taps will cause Ryu to run sideways along a wall across a chasm and back flip on to enemies. An especially easy, yet dramatic, move has Ryu vault over an enemy and bisect them in the air. It looks complicated on the screen, but the controls make it a breeze.

Ninja Gaiden 2 is a game people will either enjoy or not enjoy; weak assessment for a review I understand, but an accurate one. As good as the graphics are and as solid as the gameplay is, the main reason for playing Ninja Gaiden 2 is the challenge. The entire game is a challenge to the player: how many items and secrets can the player find on a playthrough and what difficulty levels can be completed are the biggest questions posed by the game.

I'm playing on the easiest difficulty level. I got through the first level without dying. I'm quite proud of that. I'm sure the ass-kickings will come though. And then the cursing. Oh, the cursing. Regardless, I'll have hella fun doing it.

Play this sucka!

Office Improv: Wii

2008-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Summer Psyched

2008-07-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

I'm the most excited I've been all year for videogames.

The new Xbox Live Arcade rollout, starting this week with Geometry Wars 2, is awesome. Man, some quality titles are coming out. Here is the list:

This week: Geometry Wars 2
Next: Braid
After that'n: Bionic Commando: Rearmed
And then: CASTLE CRASHERS!

This is great. Live Arcade has kinda been boring of late, but boy they are really rolling it out! I'm going to buy, with my own money, all of these.

I have purchased Geometry Wars 2 and am racking up some pretty impressive scores. I suggest that everybody download this game and try to become the #1 warrior with the highest scores. We're all Xbox friends. The leaderboard system is very robust, and makes you want to keep playing until you beat Rob or whoever is currently in the lead.

So, I'll see you when Castle Crashers comes out. We'll form a 4-man team and win the game!

The Bourne (insert random word that preferably ends in –Y)

2008-05-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago after watching The Mist with fellow Laserblader Brendo (effed up, I recommend) , he directed me to Download the new game footage of the Gears of War II. Gears looks amazing of course but he kind of got on my case because I was also downloading the demo for the Bourne Fraternity game. I waited until he left to play it.

Well, I honestly, I really had fun with it. I am a fan of the movie series. The Bourne Virginity being my favorite of course but the game does a decent job of reenacting some of the cooler scenes in the movies.

The fight scenes are fast and close up and you get that kind of filming angle that gives it a cinematic effect. I also like how it moves really fast from one part to the next. It uses the button response gimmick (which I don’t hate) to allow for certain seemless sections.

It probably won’t be overall that good of game because let’s face it; Movie games suck*! It does seriously suffer from a lack of a counter button which I am amazed has been left out of the fighting. Also, why doesn’t he look like Matt Damon. He’s only the sexiest man alive.

Give it a try. It’s free. And don’t make fun of me.

* Apparently the Chronicles of Riddick video game didn’t suck that much but the movie did so I count that.

Ikaruga

2008-04-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

Elitist gamers have been clamoring for years about Ikaruga, hoisting it up as a video game so cool that you can’t play it.

As an elitist, swiss cheese-eating, windsurfing liberal all-around snob, I couldn’t wait for an opportunity to play it. Previously released on the Dreamcast and again on the Gamecube, this title seemed nearly impossible to find due to small print runs, at least according to my non-existent research. Luckily, Xbox Live Arcade brought it out last week for all you gun-loving church goers out there to get your bitter hands on.

Ikaruga is an old school arcade style shoot ‘em up at heart. You have a ship, you shoot floating enemies that shoot back at you. The game is famous for it’s innovative play: you switch polarity between white and black using the B button. Enemies are either white or black. You can absorb bullets of the color you are currently sporting. You do double damage (or get double points?) for exploding an enemy of the opposite color of the one you are currently sporting. It does not seem simple, as some would say, and then go on to explain the subtle details that make it complex. It’s confusing from the get go. I still barely get it. But it is fucking fun.

The gameplay encourages rigid memorization and twitchy gameplay. I have gotten to the third level, and I can see that I’ll be needing to play it quite a few more times before I remember when to shoot what where and which color I should be. But the bottom line is that it is a blast, and a great opportunity for y’all to jump on this previously hard-to-find game.

It’s 800 points. Ten bucks. Go for it.

Here is the famous clip of some dude playing both 1 and 2 player ships at the same time. He wasted a significant portion of his life:

What the up is

2008-04-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't played a new game in weeks. Other than Smash Bros., it has been months even since I've tried something new and fresh out. I have been struggling to think of a topic to write about here at Laser Blade Games Div.

Now that it has been a year since I've gotten my XBox 360, I have finally cooled off on playing it at the insane rate I was up until Xmas. I still love it, and play it pretty often. But I've also been playing the Wii a lot more. I have so many games that I haven't even played half of the way through yet, and I am having a blast chipping away at all of them, all at once.

I don't stick to one game, then move onto the next. I'm constantly popping games in and out of both systems, switching the AV cables to go from XBox to Wii... Mario Galaxy, Halo 3, Undertow... I even started playing Shadowrun again. It's still great!

Back when I was 26, I used to be an XBox.com nerd. I'd be on there a several times a day at work, checking what my buddies were playing, checking gamerscores, even reading forums. Ah, to be young again.

Now that I am to be wed next month (!) and the bills are stacking up, I've become a much more frugal gamer. Actually, I think it's just that no games have come out that I want. Besides Smash Bros. of course. There are a few DS games that I might have bought if I weren't in the red, but really, the DS doesn't do it for me so much. I can't get into it. The only games I've gotten all the way through are New Super Mario Bros. (too easy, short) and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

So, I'll keep playing what I have until Gears of War 2 comes out.

Holy flaming cow!

2008-04-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

I'm really, really excited to say that the website I write for (well, the main one, anyway), has been nominated for a Webby!

The Webbys are called "the Oscars of the Internet", though admittedly that's by the people who organize the damn thing. The Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences hands out awards to sites it believes deserves recognition. Last year, we weren't even on their radar, this year, we're nominated.

We don't stand a chance of winning -- we're up against last year's winner, Gamasutra, and The Escapist, which has top-notch writing and Zero Punctuation, to boot -- but we're still jumping up and down. No joke, it really is just an honor to be nominated. The three of us work really, really hard to provide good content on a daily basis, and just to know that someone other than our moms is reading is very thrilling, indeed.