I play horrible games

I play horrible games I’ve been totally bummed recently with my gaming experience. I received two games recently through Gamefly and I can definitively say the both suck ass. Both a new and older game. Equally sucking.

Kane and Lynch, has had a ton controversy around it due to the firing of the reviewer who ripped the game on Gamespot. I decided that I would judge it for myself.

At first glance it looked like the kind of game that I would like to play. Violence, guns, bad language and things generally in bad taste.

I knew in the first 15 minutes of playing this game hat it deserved whatever harsh criticism that lead to Gerstmanngate. I read the review that got the guy fired and I agree with most of it. It’s basically unplayable at some parts. Literally, at one point I got stuck in a wall and the game just glitched out on me. The gameplay is clunky, the movements and aiming are awkward. It reminded me of a bad version of a game I really do like, “The Getaway.” When companies are making millions of dollars on games, this type of shotty mess is unacceptable. It seems fair to me that if you make a horrible game, it will get terrible reviews, and people won't buy the crap, they lose thousands of dollars. Economics 101

Devil May Cry 4

Anything that is on it’s 4th sequel immediately has me a little skeptical. And yes, I’m talking to you Dynasty Warriors 17. But I was genuinely interested to see how it would look and play on a next gen system. I remember kind of liking Devil May Cry 2 so why not. I started getting annoyed after half an hour when there had been 27 minutes of cut scenes and only 3 minutes of actual game-play. The cut-scenes were these elaborate cool fighting scenes of godlike proportions but then followed by an actual game-play that was tailor-made for a monkey who is good at mashing his little monkey fingers on a controller.

At certain points in the game, in a very unoriginal fashion, you have to clear every enemy on the screen in order to break a magic seal. But before and after every clearance it skips to a scene of the Seal being created or destroyed. Why??!! I get it, I’ve just done it 300 times. Oh another fucking cut-scene, great. The game kills any sort of flow. Christ, another cut-scene. The monkies are begining to throw feces at the TV screens.

Also, the story loses something when your main character is just ridiculously bad ass. I mean this dude is like the illegitimate love child of Chuck Norris and Thor. During the CGI parts he is so totally bad-ass that it makes you feel stupid when finally actual game-play commences and he is as easy to kill as a baby seal. (too soon?)

I also don't necesarily agree with one popular website review which said "Stylish action, terrific boss fights, and beautiful, melodramatic cutscenes will inspire you to push forward, and they serve as an appropriate reward for a well-played sequence of demon slaying."
Does it even matter since they have already shown a commitment to sell games rather than actually review them?

Well, next post I promise to tell you about a game that I really did like!

Yeah, but no, these two games sucked. I'm sure there will be people who like DMC 4 but I know i didn't.